Now, you may be asking yourself, "Just who the HELL is Dave Weatherford?" This mysterious, and not particularly well-liked, individual is a sort-of ham tycoon. Which is to say, he sells a great deal of pig-derived meat. He is also lovers with Gwen B. At this point of the game, he has not appeared in any scenes...and yet his name has been said more times than the word "it." Don't worry too much about the specifics of Dave Weatherford...he won't be around much longer.

First tilt: Someone is watching, waiting for their moment. (Not entirely certain that we used this one, quite)

Second tilt: A tiny mistake leads to ruin. (Yep, used that one)

The Second Act: (1 scene missing at the beginning here...can't remember what happened)...Afterward, Vinnie, Mac, Peggy, and Percival all show up to break into Gwen B.'s house again. But this time, to get around those damn security cameras, they are cutting the power...and the phone line...and the outdoor hose...and any line-like thing extruding from the house. Getting into the basement through the padlock on the outdoor basement doors provides a bit of a challenge, until Percival whips out his sawed-off shotgun. Breaking down the drywall with a sledgehammer, a great deal of chemistry equipment and a very expensive computer system is revealed. Sadly, there's no power (see above) so there's no way to figure out what it does. Instead, they leave the shotgun at the scene and Peggy calls into the police to tell them that she saw Dave Weatherford break into the house. Yes, the brilliant plan to bring Gwen R. and Dave Weatherford down in one fell swoop is set into motion.....

....but, Vinnie forgets his sledgehammer at the scene...which is to say the sledgehammer with the big sticker on it saying "Property of Vinnie's Hardware. Please return if found." So, Brandon B. and the police and Gwen R. all show up at Vinnie's the next day to ask him some questions. Apparently this is not the first time that equipment from Vinnie's has been found at crime scenes. In great part due to Vinnie's rather prodigy-like ability to incriminate himself, both Vinnie and Mac find themselves in jail. After which follows a touching scene between lovers Gwen R. and Dave Weatherford, wherein they talk about meeting again that night for an intimate evening over ham.

Not in the cards, I'm afraid...

Brandon meets up with Gwen at the police station, where he tries to convince her not to press charges against Peggy (whose voice is on the 911 call). She vaguely agrees, but leaves open the possibility that she will change her mind entirely if circumstances inspire. Which leads to her tea interrogation of Peggy...from which Peggy escapes impressively, if temporarily, unscathed. It is around this same time that Percival decides to pay a friendly house call, to Dave Weatherford. Unfortunately for Dave, Percival has somehow reclaimed possession of his shotgun. Apparently, Dave turned one of Percival's old bosses into ham (well, okay, I suppose it wasn't really ham...but it was labeled ham). Did I mention that Percival used to be a lawyer for the mob...anyway, oh yeah, R.I.P. Dave Weatherford.

Now, Gwen lets Vinnie and Mac out of prison on the condition that they help her finish building the thing in her basement. They agree. Unfortunately, during the construction, Vinnie suffers a severe electric shock...severe meaning body-wide third-degree burns...and if you ask me is that scientifically possible...I will pretend you didn't say anything and just keep talking... Even so, Mac finishes the construction and Gwen promptly uses the device...to communicate with aliens, of course.

Now, the police are bringing poor Peggy in for questioning. Brandon is there to make sure they don't hurt her...and, of course, she despises him for it. And she resists arrest...even though she isn't being arrested. Upon arriving at the police station, she discovers that Percival is not buying her house. He tells her himself, handcuffed and covered in blood. He will likely be living elsewhere for some time.

Epilogues:

Percival: Laughs as he is sentenced to death, laughs on the way to prison, spends his short stay cursing Dave Weatherford to anyone who will listen...final words "F*** Dave Weatherford."

Mac: Gwen has turned on him, and he ends up back in jail. Plea bargains and ends up spending a relatively short time in minimum security prison.

Vinnie: Spends time in a burn ward, requiring speech therapy to even talk properly again. Finally gets out on a bright sunny day...and is promptly arrested (roughly) by police. Sentenced for a Guinness record-setting number of crimes. Apparently, Mac turned states-evidence. That's friendship for you.

Gwen R.: After spending some time in a mental institution, leaves Poppington Terrace (our little utopia-like community) behind. Settles down in a new gated community. The result of her contact with the mothership...as yet unknown.

Brandon B.: Receives promotion for his fine work in exposing Gwen (and her accomplices Vinnie and Mac). Manages to convince the authorities that Peggy was an innocent victim in the affair. And due to falling house prices (suspected meth labs will do that)...Peggy has decided to stay!

Peggy: Manages to get through her ordeal at the police station without injury (despite her pronounced kicking and screaming). Finally admits that Brandon might not be a bad guy, and lets him take her out on a date. And so love begins to....And then, a really hot guy moves in to the house on the other side. Peggy's future is looking up!

And that, dear friends, is what happened...I thank you for spending this last week reading my post, and look forward to the happy occasion of our next meeting.